


Poems of a Young Suicidal Girl

by Blazinwithzouis



Category: Real life - Fandom
Genre: Heartbreak, Love, Other, Poems, Sad, Suicidal Tendencies, life - Freeform, my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 15:59:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5546336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blazinwithzouis/pseuds/Blazinwithzouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just poems I write about my life, well life in general and love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Poem #1

I tell myself that I'm done with you time and time again because you cause me such tremendous pain but then I go a day without you and I realize that it is so much worse it's so much worse to wake up with a sick feeling and wondering why just to be reminded that you and I are no more that you and I have never even been I've always had the problem of caring way too much for people who care very little but for some reason I don't feel like that is the case with me and you I fell like you care just as much and that is so new to me it is so frightening to me to have someone care for me like you do because all I do is push people away when they get too close because I cannot handle it I cannot handle people feeling responsible or accountable for me it makes me anxious when you hug me so tight for so long it makes me nervous when you stare into my eyes as deeply as you do it makes me sad when you grab my hand and hold it for longer than you really should it breaks my heart when you ask me what is wrong or why I am sad with a look on your face that is scattered with fear and worry it scares the fuck out of me when you tell me how much you care or how fond of me you are because I like to stay unimportant and insignificant so that if one day I wake up and decide to be no more I don't have to wake up next to your beautiful sleeping body and wonder how you will feel after I do the deed and if you will be okay without me it stresses me that you think about me and wonder if I'm alright but mostly it worries the fuck out of me that I care so goddamn much about you  
\- r.b.


	2. Poem #2

If I could I would just walk up to you and tell you that you are the one I would walk up to you in your office and say your name and you'd turn around in your chair and ask me what I wanted and I'd tell you that I wanted you and you'd tell me that you wanted me too and you'd get up and walk over to me your eyes would never leave mine and you'd touch my cheek and i would wince because I cannot stand intimacy even with you because it is who I am you'd look hurt none the less and I'd apologize and tell you that it isn't your fault and you'd tell me you know but you wish I weren't like that and I'd agree but then you'd hug me hard and long and for whatever reason maybe joy or maybe confusion I'd begin to cry right there in the middle of the room with your long arms wrapped around me like rings wrap around Saturn you'd hear me cry and tell me not to and I'd apologize and you would tell me not to do that either I'd laugh pathetically and you'd grab my chin and I'd let you reluctantly and you'd slowly inch closer and our faces would be amazingly close and you'd stare into my eyes smiling and then I think I would finally realize in that moment that I need to make the move so I'd crush my lips against yours and you'd hug me harder and kiss me longingly and in that moment sparks would fly and stars would combust and galaxies would be formed and we'd be happy we'd finally be happy  
\- r.b.


	3. Poem #3

(I need you to kiss me)(I need to feel your soft lips on mine)(to feel your hands all over me)(to feel your whole body pressed perfectly against my own)(I need to know if what I'm feeling is real)(if you're real)(because I honestly don't know if I have completely made you up)(you're so perfect to me)(why are you doing this to me)(go away)(leave me alone)(I don't like you)(I hate you for making me feel special)(I hate you)(no I don't)(I want you)(you hate me)(except you don't)(you're just too scared to admit it yourself)(you're scared to claim the love that you feel)(it's okay)(so am I)   
\- r.b.


	4. Poem #4

(he says he isn't interested)(but I see through the facade)(I see the way his eyes light up when I smile)(or the way he lets me tease him only to be able to hear the sound of my laugh)(he can tell himself all he wants)(but I will not be fooled nor discouraged)(because I think I am falling and I'm not sure he hasn't already beaten me to the ground)  
\- r.b.


	5. Poem #5

You make me feel special and it makes me sick  
You make me feel wanted and safe and it destroys me from the inside out  
I feel as if I've known you forever yet it feels as if I know nothing about you  
I crave your touch, the sound of your voice  
When you walk towards me I feel as if my legs may give out and my heart may stop beating  
When you smile I feel as if everyone in the whole world feels the radiance and warmth like I do  
I feel like the best version of myself when you are with me and that scares the fuck out of me because what happens when you're done playing with me and toying with my fragile heart   
\- r.b.


	6. Poem #6

I know you think about me   
I've never had this feeling before   
I've never been able to see myself with someone like I see myself with you  
I've never had someone that genuinely cares  
About me the way you do  
I've never wanted to kiss someone as badly as I want to kiss you  
It's a weird feeling, isn't it?  
To want something so very bad but not being able to act on it  
Because it would be inappropriate   
It could end badly  
But can't we try?  
Can't we just wait and see what happens with us, I mean  
Because you make me want to be better  
You make me want to be happy  
And that's something I've never experienced  
Something I've never even dreamed about  
\- r.b.


	7. Poem #7

We aren't meant to be and I know that but it's the way you smile at me and the way you make me laugh when I'm depressed, it's those things that make me forget that insignificant fact it's those things that make me think about you even in the darkest of nights and grin from ear to ear it's the way you lean in to me when we speak it's the way you hug me and suddenly I feel like everything is going to be okay it's the way you make me want to be happy, we aren't meant to be and I know that but why is that stopping us? 

\- r.b.


	8. Poem #8

Do you like me or not because I really need to know if you look up at the stars in the dead of night searching for constellations that resemble you and I, I really need to know if you dream about me and if those dreams are sweet and passionate or dull and unmoving I need to know if when you look at me and bite your lip, it's only friendly and not because it's taking everything you have to not pin me up against the nearest wall and press you soft lips against mine I really want to know if you pass by gardens and think of me when you see the beautiful budding flowers I deserve to know if your heart flutters when you see me smile and it aches when I frown I deserve to know if you have any feelings for me at all because it isn't fair to keep me outside in the dark when we both know it's much warmer inside with you 

-r.b.


End file.
